Good Will Towards Each Other?

Greetings Earthlings!

Somehow, it's a strange feeling to be back to the blogosphere again... As I referred in my last post, I was living admist a tortuous storm, that is finally over. Now that I am living in Gaia, I have been thinking about the way things happened and why. I thought, thought and thought (quoting BaRu,,) and I realized I was living in a well... A well of shades. I felt I was drowning in a cold, abandoned and dark place, and the ones who witnessed that and tried to help the most was Ella and BaRu,,. I really want to thank them, from the bottom of my heart, for they are the best friends anyone can have... Miss you guys more than ever, it's almost unbearable no to see you everyday like we used to.

Having the parents divorcing is never an easy issue, but my experience was really troublesome and sad, thanks to my father. Blaming me for the divorce and not talking to me was a really sad choice but I cannot do anything related to that, I just have to let this dwell in the past and forget.

Anyhow, the thing I will talk in today's post is what shocked me the most amongst all this changeling: The selfishness and egoistic behaviour of some people.

Once again I wonder "What's wrong with humanity?"

Where is the pure love? Good will toward each other? Where is helping without expecting nothing in return? Why must we love someone thinking about material things? We live in a disposable world, and people are slowly becoming disposable too. I am aware that money is one of the most important things in one's life, for we, unfortunatly can't live without it, if you want to live with dignity of course... But, I can't seem to agree with extremes. People seem to think now a days that money is everything, and that everything is buyable. Wrong. So wrong. Where are the values we must have as human beings? Humanity seem to have forgotten about that we are the only rational animal. Honestly, I think even a cat is becoming more rational that most people I know. I hope someday people realize that they can't eat money, for their own sakes. Sincerely, I think there is no future for us, because men kind has destroyed everything we had that was good. I am a proudly pagan, and harmony, helping each other and uniterested love are my main goals, as I try the most living by those patterns. I can say I am different from most people, what about you? 

I want to leave now all the bitterness behing, because I am starting my own healing proccess here, but I still want to thank a lot to the few people who helped me with a kind word. 

I finally feel happy, calm, and finally feel like I have a home to return to, not being unwelcomed on somebody's else place. 

What is your opinion about the evolution of men kind? 

Thank you for reading, and I want to apologize my readers for the long absence.

Dies Irae

photo taken in Arrábida 

Greetings Earthlings!

I have been away from sometime now, been extra busy and these days left in me kind of a bittersweet taste. First of all, I want to deeply thank Ella for doing my blog's newest "make-up", it's really amazing, thank you so so much!

I am really tired and fed up with the life I am taking here, between days that have been a living nightmare I find my haven with my best friends, Kiaiku, Odete, Ella and BaRu,,. Thank you guys for these amazing days you are giving me, in order to escape inner and outter chaos.

Soon, soon enough I think I will be able to break this chains and be happy again, fully happy and move on with my life. Parents divorcing is somehow complicated for children, even if we are adults... Even more when one of the parents think you are the one to blame for everything.

Yesterday was BaRu,,'s birthday, a very happy and exciting day! I hope we can celebrate together all of your birthdays!! He had two cakes and much much attention from all of us!

We had dinner together on a very cozy restaurant and went drinking in a pub, here in Setúbal, in spite of being simple, it was great time together!

I promise to my special one that I will be always with him, and support him achieving his goals and dreams... and yes, you will have you special guitar! <3 

Despite this "Dies Irae", I thank the gods I have the strenght and the love from this amazingly beautiful people that I can, thankfully call friends and family! 

In sum, I LOVE YOU GUYS! <3

photo: Me & Ella

Mata Ne!

Got Better Indeed!

Greetings Earthlings!

 picture: Beautiful postcard and Dahlias my dearest friend Aiko offered me!

It's been a month since my surgery, and I surely got better! I spent three days on the clinic, had a very nice room and nice nurses, but still, was a very rough time. Unable to find one suitable vein with a kind large syringe to pour the anesthesia, nurses did an horrible job trying to do that, so, in the end I ended up with several bruises on my hands, wrists and arms. A whole month after, my hands still hurt when touched.


I have to thank from the bottom of my heart to my dearest friends and family for the support. I have to thank my family for supporting all the process I was constantly in nausea on the clinic, my mother, who was with me the whole three days, I cannot ever find words to thank you enough. I also have to thank Kiaiku, Ella and Baru who visited me everyday! Last, but not least, I want to thank Aiko, Isis and Pikii for being so kind and visit me when I was home, but still really sore, and giving a cute postcard with such kind words written, and those beautiful Dahlias I love so dearly. We have no idea of how many neck muscles we move to do things as sit, lay down or get up. I had to learn how to do it without forcing my neck muscles, using my arms and legs only, it was kinda rough. In spite of what people said to me, the after surgery was really painful and difficult. I vomited all the time, barely could swallow, so, no eating for several days, nausea, neck and back hurt.


Well, but now I am almost 100% restored and I started losing some weight, which is good.
Best of all, I got my get well gift from BaRu,, the single "Yume Kagari" by Brother, so, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Kiaiku is doing support guitar for Karuniiru this two gigs, so, please, on Febuary 26th, saturday, please come to their gig on Revolver Bar in Cacilhas, it's a contest, and the winner will get to play in Spain! I hope to see you all there!


So, at last, the return of those who never left, Visual Jam!
We will be trowing a "jukebox" party on March 12th, Saturday, so, people, make your requests on Visual Jam facebook page, here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Visual-Jam/180652468642848

Only 19 likes? Come on people!! Also, I want to see more requests!

My Dahlias are still alive, me and my mother are taking good care of it, so it won't wither anytime soon!

My new addiction:

I love Kuroyume so much! <3

Brand new page?

Well, tomorrow I will be undergoing to surgery.

I have waited two long years for this, so I hope it will be the turn of the page of this book named "Life".


I will get my thyroid removed which is the main reason of my weight problem!


I am pretty calm today, and I have a very special token from a friend that I am sure will be my guardian!


So, wish me luck!

Oyasumi and Blessed be

I really love this song and hope to get this single as a "Get better" present xDD:

New year... New Horizons!!

Ella, Dj Khimaira and me @ Covill Bar, Almada

Greetings earthlings!

I hope everyone had great holydays! It's been more than a month I don't post here, it's really becoming a bad habbit. 


So, how was everyone's Christmas? 
Well, I can't say mine was bad, but I think it was the worse ever. This year I didn't felt the festive spirit at all and it was the first time I did not spend it with my family which makes a huge difference. I was in Porto celebrating it with the "in-laws" and got really good presents!
Got plenty of books which made me happy. I am always reading something and I am not capable of living without having a book by my side, I am quite the "bookworm"!!
About New Year's Eve it was one of the funniest!! We partied at my place, Visual Jam staff and Isis, was a blast!! They got to sleep over for two nights which was amazingly funny!!


Well, I am going to talk about year 2010!


The year 2010 was a bliss next to 2009, because we got so much more stable and sure of what we really want to do. Year 2009 best part was Japan, only. Lots of conflicts and things I do wish didn't happened, but it did, and we do not possess the hability to turn back time, so, we just have to accept and live with it. 2010 was so much more smooth, we did amazing things that we never thought we could and had the chance to meet excelent new people!

Here are the 2010 highlights:

• Visual Jam evolved a lot since it's creation, around December 18th 2009, making a total of 5 events this year! I guess we are the first doing something like this in one year, once again, I really want to thank portuguese Visual kei fans for the support, without you, it wouldn't be possible! 
• First Visual kei concert in Portugal, held by el-Ethnic Legist- on September 11th at Santiago Alquimista, Lisbon. The atmosphere was magical, the fans were the best public ever and the show was amazing! Thank you eveyone!
• The appearence Kiaiku made as guest artist for el-Ethnic Legist- made me really proud of him as an artist and guitarist. He did a terrific job, beyond words!
• Meeting Khimaira, who is a fascinating person, became one of my best friends. Thank you for the priceless moments we spent together and for your sincere support and friendship!!
• Becoming even closer to the people that I love the most and know they are always there for me. Without them, I couldn't make it. It's being too rough, I would have sunk, but you were always my safety boat... I have no words to express my gratitude and love for you guys... United forever, as one!
• First DJ Khimaira debut performance in Portugal. The party was a blast, we are working so the public can have more parties like that.

Wishes for 2011:

• Keep Visual Jam rocking as hard as possible!
• Debuting more Visual kei bands in Portugal.
• Find some shitty job to procceed to the next step of my life.
• Stay close to the people I love the most, strong.
• Have a safe surgery and recover fast!
• Lose some weight after surgery and with the right medication.
• Write a little more, short stories and stuff, I am always underestimating myself, but I guess I should at least give it a try!
• Do a new tattoo, my blue star.
• Pierce my lip. (Snake bites!!)
• Some more secretive plans, but it will be known!

So, I guess this is everything about the holidays and wishes.

We have been watching all Rocky's saga, and I found the films rather inspiring. Made me wish my fate would be just like Rocky Balboa: Fight, and go from the bottom to the top!!

Today I was told the zodiac signs would change, for there is one more sign to add, which would make every sign dates different. What do you think about that subject? 

Do you believe in astrology?

Finally, my new year's wish for you all:

May the gods be with you and guide everyone to a safe and successful path! 

Wind of Change?

Here I am, back to my almost abandoned blog. 
After two months and five days without posting here I am, with some questions and thoughts I would love to share with all my readers!


But first of all, I would like to thank everyone who were there in the Visual Jam Halloween party! It was so so crowded! I have no words to thank you guys for the support, and I hope to see you all again on Visual Jam's First Birthday Ceremony, on the 17th, with a very special guest deejaying, DJ Khimaira @ Covil Bar.

Here is the flyer, I think it is very lovely:

Well, moving to what really moved to make this post, I really need a "wind of change". Well, I guess the whole world needs it. I don't mean to be offensive, but, in my point of view, society is getting rotten. I worry about young people mostly. I see no respect what so ever for other people (so much for respecting elderly people, that one is already a mith). I see hatred, people stabbing on each other backs, stepping on the feet of everyone to reach something they want without getting there first. 

What is wrong with humanity?

I know humans were always selfish and greedy... But this? This is beyond unthinkable!
To hear young people wishing someone else they don't even know was dead, disrespecting anyone who just gave an opinion, being aggressive and insult over nothing... It leaves me mesmerized, in the worst way possbile.


I've studied from 5th to 12th grades in troublesome schools, the kind of school some people often could call "ghetto school". It was pretty rough, specially when I was younger, but I understood it doesn't matter status, "race" or rich or poor. Most of people there were not rich at all, they had troublesome lifes in home and of course, at school too. But guess what? They were much nicer, more polite and sincere than most youngsters I see babbling on Facebook now a days. Back then people had values, now a days it seems to be vanished. 


I really cannot point the finger to anyone, I just think technology messed really bad with people's head. Most young people don't care for anything besides their computer with speedy internet connection. Don't get me wrong, I am no technophobic or something, I do appreciate the world of internets and pcs, but my life is much more than that. I do NOT hide behing a computer screen trolling and mocking every living soul I see on a social network. That is so WRONG people. I think those people really have self-esteem problems, they just don't accept themselves as they are, and they jump trolling other people for making up their flaws. It does NOT work. A person who has values, believes in her/himself will not pay any attention to it, as you do. My point here is not to attack anyone, just to express my pity for those kind of people and sincerely hope they grow, hope they get some values and love anything with their heart, not just because it is cool or because their friends do.


Another alarming sign that this society is falling to pieces is the obsession about "looking good". It's not just you thinking you look good. You have really straight patterns now a days to define beauty. 21st Century beauty is what you see on lingerie catalogues. 21st Century beauty are the men and women you see in billboards advertising for some fashion brand. 21st Century beauty is Photoshop. It's enough to open some women targeted magazine you have pages and pages about dissing celebrities, in order to make "ordinary" women feel guilty, like: "She lost a lot of weight and has the perfect waist now", "She just had a baby and is so fit" or "She gained a lot of weight, she really needs to visit the gym". In my head I just think: "What the hell?!" My point of view on this subject: I think if someone really wants to fit the pattern of society and diets and exercises to death is their business, if they feel good and beautiful/handsome doing so, it's really okay. But those people who are not the perfect role model and do not intend to be (like me) please, just leave us alone. Sentences like "Oh you got fatter", "You should really lose some weight" or "You are way more than chubby, fat is not beautiful" are not helpfull, or good intentioned or happily taken! So if you have something like that to say, just say to yourself, in front of your mirror, in your home. PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER OTHER PEOPLE THAT JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN.
Well I feel good about myself. Yes, I am more than chubby. I am what you consider a fat girl. So what? 
Tipic trolling on street, social network, etc:
"You are fat!!" 
"Yes I am. So what?"
"You look huge!" 
"Yes, I am fat, you wanted me to look thin?"
Do you think it lowers my self esteem any tiny bit? Oh you are so wrong. This is what a confident person looks like. It does not take me down, I see my own beauty, if you don't see it, oh, too bad, but I am not spending the night crying over it, sorry. 
Concluding this, you calling me fat is the exact same thing you saying to me that the sky is blue. It's simply a fact!


The last thing I am going to talk about tonight, the third sign I see about the self desctruction of mankind is the "agnostic" point of view. Most people no longer believe in anything. It's scary to me, because I always had a faith, always been told that when everything is dark, hope and faith will, eventually get us out of there. I am pagan for seven years now, but this faith always was such an important part of myself. 
The thing I mostly search for it's not happiness. It's Balance. Because, without a balanced life and values, I believe no one reaches happiness. Because balance is the strong base for being happy. I cannot consider myself a fortunate person, lately things are not going well at all for me, which makes me feel really sad and depressed and think about what's wrong with me, and what is wrong with humanity. Because the way things are built now a days, it is suffocating, ripping us off of any possibility reaching happiness. But I will not let myself be down, I will go up and on my way searching for the perfect balance for my life, and my friends will always be there, so I am really thankful to the gods!

What do you think on this subject?

Would love to read your opinion on this!

Oyasumi and Blessed Be!

Masquerade of the Dead: An Halloween Reverie

Greetings!

Came here to announce next Visual Jam event!

Masquerade of the Dead: An Halloween Reverie, it will take place on the 31st October (obviously), which is a Sunday. It's okay, Monday is an holyday, so you can rest if you drink too much or stay up late!! xD

So, there will be a few surprises, I hope you will like it!

With DJ/VJ Kiaiku, as usual!

This will be a short post, for I have a few things to do, and cannot linger...

And this is how I feel...

Enough said...

Mata ne and Blessed Be!